Secret Joint Raid Captures Taliban’s Top Commander
Commander admits embarrassment to smoking American weed instead of ever-abundant, CIA protected, home-grown heroin
Tea Party Movement Lights Fuse for Rebellion on Right
Movement left in paper bag on porch of ACLU - highbrow humor for Tea-BaggersIt’s Not Political, but More Canadians Are Lefties
South-paw canucks save right hand for giving U.S. tourists the fingerQUOTATION OF THE DAY
"That is how we see it. We see that the government in Iran, the supreme leader, the president, the Parliament is being supplanted and that Iran is moving toward a military dictatorship."
SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON, to a confused crowd of preschoolers in Nebraska.
WORLD
Half of Town’s Taliban Flee or Are Killed, Allies Say
Remaining half don Burkas and provide incognito comfort for allied troops
Clashes Intensify as Soldiers Push to Hold Key Areas
Turns out desert Khaki is less flattering in suburban Afghan neighborhoods
Afghan Suicide Bombings Less Effective as a Tactic
Minimum damage reported to rocks, sand and the occasional goat
U.S.
In California, Exhibit A in Debate on Insurance
Insurers defend massive rate hikes with, "The banks did it first! I don't hear you going on about the banks! This is sooo unfair! I hate you!"
Excise Tax Loses Support Amid White House Push
Congressmen worried tax on corruption will unfairly target congressmen
Staggered by a Shooting, a Small Biology Department Tries to Regain Its Footing
New double-blind tenure review will be phoned-in from a bunker in Colorado
BUSINESS
India Worries as China Builds Ports in South Asia
Country implements plan to protect border with wall of malodorous curry
Drug Firms Apply Brand to Generics
Aspirin will now be marketed as "The Anti-Cock-Blocker"
Microsoft Starts Over in Phone Software
Marketed as "Window Pane", new phone targets former drug users with flashback-inducing apps.
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